Video games, exhibited at a convention [e.g. E3, PAX], will be in one of the various stages of development: recently shipped, shipping to stores, will ship in a few months, will ship over the holidays, are years away from release, or are a tech demo that will never ship in its current form.  This means that most exhibited video games will be in an incomplete state.

Incomplete games differ from released games in a number of ways.  The more incomplete a game is, the more likely it is to have serious bugs (I managed to crash and freeze a number of games at E3 this year).  Incomplete games will not have the prettiest of graphics.  They will be missing their polish.  They will be missing some of their content – an incomplete game might only consist of one actual level, bubble-gum, and bailing-wire.

Certain things can get better:

• Performance (a.k.a. frame rate),
• Stability (a.k.a. not crashing),
• Graphics,
• Polish,
• Quality and quantity of content

These are the type of things that can be improved.  Complaints about presentation and resource aspects might be unfounded by the time the game is released.  These issues are worth noting in an objective preview, but not worth worrying about.  At least, these issues are not worth worrying about if there is a sufficient amount of time before the game is scheduled for release.

Certain things are hard to improve:

• ‘Fun’ is very hard to correct.
• ‘Controls’ can be tightened up, but are hard to completely change if they do not work.
• ‘Theme’, ‘setting’, and ‘character’ are not going to change.
• Gameplay modes (single player, multi-player, co-op) normally have to be designed from the outset – adding a new one, during development, is difficult.

Aspects that are hard to improve are less likely to change before the game is released.  That makes these aspects the best way to objectively judge an incomplete video game.

Today is the day that everyone gets to be wrong.

If you were to browse to a website that specializes in video game news.  Wait…  Gosh.  Hopefully, y’all will press the back button and read the rest of this post.

Video game news-based websites are currently full of: rumors, speculation, and early E3 announcements.  Fanboys and fangirls are filling Internet forums with gossip; their hopes and dreams are on display.  Joystiq has ‘Bingo’ cards to guess at what the video-game console manufacturers will announce at their keynotes – cute, but they are giving everyone the same card which defeats the entire point of Bingo.  Also, they are missing the fly, older ladies that hang out at Bingo at the local retirement home.  [shot out to Evelyn if she’s reading!].

Lordpi.com prides itself as being the sole home for truth, justice, and the American Way on the Internet.  Also, burritos.  This means that lordpi.com cannot participate in idle gossip, rumors, and any form of speculation that doesn’t involve gold.  Which is why the following is comprised of educated reasoning, blatant lies, and great ideas.

Microsoft Xbox Video Game and Entertainment System

Educated reasoning:

- Statistics: Xbox 360 has sold a lot.  Lots of people on Xbox Live.  Lots of things downloaded.  Big Netflix numbers.  Lots of 3rd party game sales.  Mention of the number of titles on the Community Arcade.

- Halo ODST: This game will be huge!  No Master Chief?  No problem.

- New 1st party game announcements: Forza Motorsport 3 [for racing fans], a game by the Lionhead studio, a game by the Rare studio, and a game by the Bigpark studio.

- Alan Wake [Microsoft/Remedy]: this game should be awesome.

- 3rd parties on display: Modern Warfare 2 [Activision/Infinity Ward], Tony Hawk’s Ride [Activision], The Beatles [EA/Harmonix], Madden 2010 [EA/EA Tiburon], Bioshock 2 [Take 2], and Assassin’s Creed 2 or Splinter Cell: Conviction [Ubisoft] are the likeliest of candidates.

- New XBLA game: A new game for the Xbox Live Arcade is normally announced and released during the press conference.

- New Xbox Live demos: New demos are normally released online during the convention.

If lordpi.com was in charge:

- Hulu support: I’d introduce ad-supported video.  Lots of people are too cheap to buy entertainment.

- Games that should have sequels:

- Crackdown: this game showed promise.  Please make another.

- Mechassault, Mechwarrior, Battletech, Mechcommander: Choose one [or more] and make more games in their series.

- Crimson Skies: See Mechwarrior above.

- Bloodwake: We’re serious.

- Phantom Dust: The first was great.

Sony Playstation 3 Computer Entertainment System

Educated reasoning:

- Statistics: Playstation sales (as a percentage).  Home numbers.  PSN numbers.  Sony likes numbers, so we should see a bunch.  Amount of user generated content made for LittleBigPlanet.

- Talk about the games that will come out eventually: God of War 3, MAG, Gran Turismo 5, Heavy Rain, and Uncharted 2.

- Media announcements: Sony will have a video partnership with someone.  Hulu, Netflix, Blockbuster, or CBS.  This will come in a forthcoming patch [to which they will provide more details].

- PS3 Slim[mer]: A new physical body is being worked on for the Playstation 3.  It won’t be nearly as slim as the PS2 currently is, but it will be quite a bit thinner than the huge unit they currently ship.  Improvements will come from: external power supply, simpler chips, and less accessory ports [external usb hub?].  The parts should cost less than the current model.  Still won’t be backwards-compatible with the Playstation 2, though.

- New 1st party game announcements: Team ICO’s much anticipated game, new PSN titles, new SOCOM, new games in their casual series [Singstar, Buzz, Eyetoy], Starhawk, and Twisted Metal.  About ten ‘new’ games should be announced, even though there have already been a number of them leaked/rumored.

- 3rd parties on display will be quite similar to Microsoft’s.

- New Home content.

If lordpi.com was in charge:

- Lordpi.com would hope that Sony gives nice parachutes to those that they put in charge.

- Presentation would be done inside of LittleBigPlanet.  If not Sony keynote == FAIL.

Nintendo Wii

Educated reasoning:

- Statistics: Wii numbers are teh crazy!!!!111!11!1  As are Mario Kart Wii, Wii Play, and Wii Fitness numbers.  DS numbers are also incredible.  Number of WiiWare and VC games might also be touted.

- The Casual Market: There will be a lot of focus on the ‘casual’ market.  Wii Fitness Plus and Wii Sports Resort will headline.

- The Core Market: Bird-chirps.  It won’t be as bad as last year, as Nintendo will talk about a new Mario game, the Metroid Prime collection, some DS->Wii IP ‘ports’, two non-Metroid Gamecube->Wii upgrades, and Kid Icarus Wii.

- New Virtual Console releases will be announced.

- There will be a big focus on the Nintendo DS/DSi as well.

If lordpi.com was in charge:

- New games:

- Nintendogs Wii

- A Fire Emblem spinoff for the Wii.  Same feel, but more realtime.

- Wii Remote Massage

- A real Zelda game for the Wii

- Wii Party [yes, it wouldn’t have Mario in it – you would primarily use your Mii’s; this would be for ‘the casual market’ that is afraid of Mario and all of his mushroom kingdom shenanigans]

- No Kid Icarus for the Wii would ever be made.  It prevents lordpi.com from joking about the incredulity of Kid Icarus not having a sequel.

- Wii HD: It’s too early for this.  It should be ready next year.  It would run the same exact game discs as the current Wii, but it would ‘upscale’ the graphics to 720P.  Primarily for the Core Market.

It’s coming.  June 1st, 2009.  Ready or not.

What is E3?

The acronym for the Electronic Entertainment Exposition.  An industry trade show that is used to showcase video-games.

E3 was originally created to provide an environment where video-game publishers could exhibit their forthcoming wares to the distributors and retailers that made the purchasing decisions.  This way, the retailers would be able to figure out what they should stock on their shelves.

Then the media got interested in the exhibition.  Whether it was the games on display or the videos or the personalities or the keynotes: the media presence started to grow with each E3.

Each video-game console manufacturer had to have their own keynote to begin the exhibition.  These keynotes were used by the console manufacturers to announce how intelligent their supporters were for supporting them.

Video-game developers would use the exhibition to network with their fellow professionals and see the games that the competition was providing.  There might have been a crunch in getting the demos ready for the show floor, but many found the event to be relaxing and enjoyable.

What happened?

Greed.  Envy.  Sex.  Drugs.  ROCK N’' ROLL!

E3 had become an opalescent beast.  It became more about pandering to the idiot attendees and the media than the retailers or the industry professionals.  If a person had a website or worked as a store clerk they could get in.  Attendance ballooned.  It got very expensive for a publisher to get their message across.

E3 2006 was particularly disastrous.  Rumors abound as to what exactly happened.  The leading rumors put the onus on Sony [a video-game manufacturer] and Electronic Arts [a video-game publisher].  Both had spent a lot of money, but hadn’t been able to attract positive attention to their wares.

Someone had the misguided idea that the only segment that mattered was media.  Select media.  Threats were made to leave the trade organization that ran E3 if it didn’t scale down.

It scaled down, and became a hollow shell.  Something was missing in E3 2007.  There wasn’t much of an exhibition, it didn’t get any word-of-mouth coverage, and it was more expensive than past E3’s for many involved.  E3 2008 was a little bigger, but still wasn’t what everyone involved hoped for.

Why is E3 2009 Special?

June 1st, 2009: the Exhibition is getting back together.  Spectacle!  Excitement!  Private demos of games for invite-only media that will rave about it!  Bright lights!  Big city!  Parties!  Theatres with exclusive trailers being shown!  Booth Babes!  Websites reporting on Booth Babes!  Booth Babe ranking contests on said websites!  Celebrity sightings!  Sunny Los Angeles!  Free T-shirts and bags will logos on them!  Exclamation points!!!!!!!11!!1!!1!!1!

Oh, and maybe there will be a few games.  Although, the same games will likely be playable at PAX a few months later.

E3 Highlights

Keynotes

Fanboys are already getting out their tape measures in anticipation of the keynotes that begin the conference.  A fanboy is a strange kind of Internet creature: they have purchased a device that can play video-games, but they don’t play any games on it.  Instead, they flood the Internet forums and try their best to overreact to every piece of video-game news.  Every objective news article is obviously biased against them.  Anything short of exuding praise is an affront against the console that they happen to own.  They eventually gravitate together and support each other with their trolling, insults, fallacies, and desperate search for articles that hurt the fanboys of rival consoles.  Anything that helps reinforce that they made a good decision about their purchase and the size of their penis.

Kentia Hall

It’s unconfirmed if Kentia Hall will be brought back, though.  In past E3’s [before the dark, dark days of the ‘media-only event’] smaller companies would flock to this hall with their duplication services, eccentric devices, distribution abilities, foreign developer relations, magazines to hand out, peripheral devices to show, video-game school recruiting, and Fatal1ty challenges.  Basically, people that would have been better served by having a booth at the Game Developer Conference than the Electronic Entertainment Exposition.  There weren’t many Booth Babes or spectacle in this densely-packed hall of despair and death.

And yet, Kentia Hall had a certain indelible charm…

Talks and Lectures

There doesn’t seem to be any mention of talks or lectures.  They always seemed awkward at past E3’s due to the diverse attendee population.

Nintendo

They haven’t announced where the Nintendo butt-kissing line will start.  It will be important to wait three [or more] hours in line for that privilege.  Past E3’s this line was used to show off Zelda, Zelda, and the Wii [with Zelda on it!].

E3 Expectations

Are. Through. The. Roof.  And the roof is on FIRE!  Let it burn, let it burn!

Motion Sensing Rumors

There are three video-game manufacturers: Nintendo, Microsoft, and Sony.

Nintendo makes the Wii, a video-game console that uses a motion-sensing remote control as input.  Both of the rival companies [Microsoft and Sony] are rumored to reveal their own motion-sensing controllers.  Although, these same rumors were popular last year and failed to materialize.

In fact, Nintendo was so worried about Microsoft announcing a motion-sensing controller, that Nintendo fired off a press release before the Microsoft keynote.  In it they announced an attachment that would make their Wii controler’s motion-sensing actually work correctly.

This move doubly backfired:

1. Microsoft did not make any related announcement that could be upstaged

2. Nintendo admitted that the motion-sensing in their controller didn’t really work that well.

The announced attachment, the Wii Motion Plus, is scheduled to come out after this forthcoming E3 – it’s possible Nintendo might try to announce it again…

Publisher Death Watch Betting Game

There are three less major video-game publishers at E3 2009 than there were at E3 2006.  Not only does it make things more interesting, but it makes the ‘Publisher Death Watch Betting Game’ of previous E3’s much harder. The casualties were:

1. Eidos [Hitman, Tomb Raider] was bought by a UK developer, which renamed the combined entity back to Eidos, and then was recently acquired by Square Enix [Final Fantasy, other games like Final Fantasy].

2. Vivendi Universal [contained the Sierra and Blizzard studios] bought Activision [Call of Duty, Guitar Hero], merged it in, put Activision management in charge, and renamed the combined entity Activision Blizzard.

3. Midway [Mortal Kombat, Gauntlet] is in the middle of bankruptcy reorganizations of some sort.  Isn’t on the current exhibitor list, either.

Duke Nukem Forever

Duke Nukem Forever was promised as the ultimate video-game.  The follow-up to the widely popular video-game Duke Nukem 3D, DNF [as it was abbreviated] was originally unveiled at E3 1999.  It had turned heads at a number of E3 appearances since then.  After a few more E3 appearances, non-appearances, and many rumors it became the joke of the industry.  Vaporware.  Yet, there was always the hope.  The hope, that with every E3, the developer would announce a holiday release.

The developer, 3D Realms just declared bankruptcy this past week.

E3 might be back, but, without Duke Nukem Forever, does it even matter?

The above text says: "Developing partnerships that are anything but C++."  It was plastered with three other 'pithy' slogans and a Sony logo with 'Live in your world, develop in ours.'

There are a number of problems with it:

1. It isn't a double entendre.  I'm not sure if it even has a single entendre in it.  Let's explain:
   1. There is no concept of 'partnership' in C++.
   2. The closest idea in C++ is that it is a strongly typed language.  This means that code written in the language is checked to make sure that it knows, ahead of time, that the it accesses objects in valid ways.
   3. As such, maybe it means that Sony's partnerships don't have to be explicit up-front, but can change whenever?  Is that a good thing?
2. I asked a lot of people about it, even folks at a Sony booth.  A few guesses were that 'C++' == 'complex'.  That's silly:
   1. There are for more complex languages than C++.
   2. In fact, to get optimum performance out of Sony's PS2, a developer was forced to make use of assembly.
   3. As such, maybe it means that Sony's partnerships are needlessly complex?  That you still aren't able to use something as standard as C++?  [it's only the language that the majority of programmers, working in game-development, know*]  Is that a good thing?
3. It's not grammatically correct.  Let's examine:
   1. It seems to imply a 'Sony is' at the front.  'Sony is developing partnerships' is a fine sentence.  'Developing partnerships' is referring to the implied part.
   2. 'that are anything by C++' is referring to the 'partnerships that are being developed'.  However, we never really got the benefit of a punctuation mark to help us along.
   3. As such, it can mean only one thing: it's my good friend Dangling Participle!!!!  (oh snap!)  So 'Sony is anything but C++'.  What would that mean?  Is that a good thing?

So I still don't know what Sony meant by it.  However, I think that they likely meant to say one of the following:

1. Partnerships that are awesome.
2. Let's develop a partnership!
3. "Hello Partnership"
4. Let's partner up -- you can use C++ and we'll both make a bunch of money.

Now if they still wanted to insult themselves with the C++ remark, then:
"Partnerships don't have to be C++"

It still doesn't have a second entendre in it, but whatever.

* This is a statistic, so it has to be true.  Java and C# are heavily derived from C++, so I guess I'm assuming that the combination of (C#, Java, and C++) > (Visual Basic and Assembly) in the realm of game development.  I'm limiting the programmers to game developers since it was at the Game Developers Conference.

Updated: Replaced my mobile phone's text with actually commentary.

They have traditionally had two different lines:

1. Handhelds (the Gameboys, the DS).  They are the dominant handheld gaming platform and have been for years.
2. Consoles (NES, SNES, N64, GCN).  Using monopolistic practices the NES became the dominant system, but since then they have struggled and fallen behind.

Game consoles have grown more powerful with every generation.  Graphics have progressed from 2D to 3D fixed-function T&L to 3D Shaders.  Resolutions have gone up from 480i to HD (480p, 720p, 1080i, and the theoretical 1080p).  Sound has gone from midi to Dolby 5.1.  Memory, CPU speeds, bus bandwidth, disk speed, and disk capacity have all kept pace with Moore's Law.  This trend shows no signs of stopping anytime soon.

However, with the addition of CD-ROM, game consoles started to provide non-gaming functions.  Picture, video, music, and tv content have all found ways into the game consoles.  This has led the other major console manufacturers to call their consoles a 'computer entertainment system' (Playstation) or a 'video game and entertainment system' (Xbox).

Console manufacturers cannot possibly create every game for their system, they really on third parties to provide the majority of the games -- EA, Activision, Ubisoft, Namco, Capcom, Take 2/Rockstar, Konami, Sega, and Square are the biggest publishers.

It is in these latter two areas that Nintendo has really struggled.  Nintendo was slow to move to optical media and hasn't had a lot of third party support since.  The larger console gaming market has followed the third party publishers in their purchasing decisions and haven't given Nintendo consoles much love.

This has led Nintendo to not make a new gaming console -- as far as its competitors are concerned.  Instead, Nintendo is going to making a gaming 'toybox.'  It is barely more powerful than their previous system, has no HD support, no widescreen, and uses a bunch of 'innovative' peripheral ideas in lieu of the standard gaming controller.

A lot hasn't been revealed about the system.  Yesterday, Nintendo finally announced the name -- the Nintendo Wii.

The announcement came with a trailer reminiscent of the Pixar logo and a bunch of marketing psychobabble justifying the name.  Community feedback has been pretty harsh (at least on Joystiq, Evil Avatar, and IGN).  A lot has been made of the fact that it's pronounced 'wee', which is slang for excising and when repeated twice it is slang for male genitals.

However, I haven't seen mention of what is going to happen when it gets abbreviated to a few letters: NWE.  Which is quite similar to ennui*.  Which means 'boredom from lack of interest' (Encarta).

* Yes, I realize ennui is pronounced on-we.  Which is yet another reason Webster and I are mortal rivals**.

** Yes, mortal rivals doesn't really mean anything since I just made it up by combining rivals with MORTAL KOMBAT!1!!11!

UPDATED: Fixed 'wee' and 'wee-wee' confusion on my part.  It seems that sometimes, when standing in front of the urinal, I excise male genitalia.

Criticism is a dangerous topic.  Primarily due to human ignorance, but robot-infested cargo ships are probably also to blame.

Growing up, the word 'critic' is pejorative.  That means 'criticism' is pejorativism, which is probably worse.  To be safe, most people have to put on a hard hat and make sure that their criticism is constructive.  But, didn't the Constructicons form Devastator?

So gaming magazines (and a bunch of other periodicals) decided on the term 'review.'  Unfortunately, unlike reviews in Las Vegas, these are the topless kind.  Although, that might be a good thing considering that there isn't a large demand for jiggly man-breasts on the Internet -- I hope.  Anyways, I managed to digress.

Review is this nicey-nice term that doesn't have the same negative connotations that criticism has been encumbered with.  Yet, a large majority of reviews suffer from the following problems: poor separation of objectivism from subjective bias, unprofessionally trained staff, lack of technical understanding, poor execution, formulaic, repetitive, repetitive, unoriginal, rushed/unpolished, and lacking of artistic merit.

No, that wasn't an accident.  Criticism should be approached as art in, and of, itself.  Anything less is disrespect for the subject (however, this level of respect would perhaps be too much for an Uwe Boll movie, so caveat emptor).

The bad news is that this isn't likely something that can be changed any time soon.  Criticism requires understanding, but ludology is an extremely young subject.  People are still trying to define the word fun.  Hideo Kojima is on magazine covers claiming that video games aren't art (Kojima is responsible for the overrated Metal Gear Solid series).

Compare this to other 'artforms':

Most established arts can only be subjectively criticized.  That is because the technical nature of painting/sculpture/drawing isn't in the actual production of the piece.  The technical nature of a piece of artwork is better characterized by its ability to invoke emotion.

Music is very similar in that it is primarily subjective.  It is more complicated to produce, so there are more potential flaws that can be harped on.  Also, music has genres that are used to pigeonhole works.

Film and television are even more complicated to produce than music.  As a result, there are generally a lot more flaws (and some serious flaws as well).

Games are one of the most recent forms of entertainment.  Their technology changes at a rapid rate.  It's no wonder there are so many problems with the critical side of it.

At work, when I find myself in this kind of situation, I say 'holey miscommunication batman!'  And everyone looks at me like I'm insane.  Which is generally compounded if I say that in the bathroom while washing my hands.

Or to phrase it better:
What are the requirements of a game review?

Goals:

• Sell magazines / get clicks on a website
• Have a reason to get free copies of games right before they are sold so you can taunt your friends?
• Help provide some information for the consumer?
• Help sell a game so the developer gives you more games?

Maybe that's the problem.

Related links:

http://www.joystiq.com/2006/01/23/out-with-traditional-game-reviews/#comments

[what reminded me to look up my 'game review' format and put some thought into this subject]

http://www.tgdaily.com/2006/01/07/the_pointlessness_of_current_videogame_journalism/

[came out a little while ago… has a similar rant about criticism, but wants there to be a magical world where game developers have the time to respond to constructive criticism from journos -- game developers are so rushed they don't have time to respond to their own constructive criticism]

Herein I will relate a funny story, take drugs, play a game for the first time that I purchased many moons [ed:this is a lie unless moons==weeks, which it does not] ago, screw up my sleep schedule, and proceed to hate myself.  The loathing continues until I recognize a sub-game pattern that I had been previously unaware of.

My story begins at a coffee shoppe with a really bad headache.  It was so bad I poured the coffee on my face.  The searing hot pain did little to soothe my aching mind.  The subsequent application of liberal amounts of ice water, tiramisu, and cries of pain did little to help either -- the third degree burns were still quite painful and scarring.

I proceed to drive home as fast as recklessly possible.  Upon arriving at my domicile I proceeded to go to sleep.  Or at least I would have if not for that mangy headache -- it prevented my pillow from having its intended purpose.  At which point I did the one thing I don't commonly due: large amounts of drugs. 

A description of the narcotic inducing activity might be too harrowing for young readers, so skip to the next paragraph if you are a child, have an aversion to drugs, or work for the USPS.  Upon making the decision to 'shoot up' I went to my bathroom and opened the 'medicine cabinet'.  I took a single Advil out of its container and downed it with a tad amount of decaf coffee.

Now, the one thing I know about drugs is that they don't take affect immediately, so I figured a complicated series of distractions would take my mind off of the seering pain.  Unfortunately, the pain-inducing pain was numbing my consciousness to the point of not being able to think.  Without the luxury of free thought I turned to 'plan B:' fighting fire with fire!  Otherwise known as turning on a TV.

Except it was a little after midnight and I really didn't want to watch TV, but play Halo 2.  Except my Xbox Live isn't working for some crazy reason.  So, seeing as the exceptions outnumbered me I looked to my collection of Xbox games that still require a playing investment.  I imagine an intelligent reader at this point will make the necessary logical leap, taking into account that Phantom Dust is the name of an Xbox game, and determine that is the game I proceeded to play.  Said reader would be wrong, unless their imagination sufficiently took into account the fact that I proceeded to play said game for fourteen hours straight.

That's correct, I had a headache at midnight, put in a video game, and proceeded to play it long past the point the headache went away, the sun came up, my coffee ran out, my snacks ran out, it started to rain (I don't know what that has to do anything), I got really tired, I told myself 'one more stage' or 'I'll better talk to Mikan again' a couple hundred times, and my bladder hurt from not getting up.

Is the game good?  Yes.  I find it much better than the Magic: the Gathering: Battlegrounds game that came out a few years back.  The comparison is apt as both are really Action Card games.  I just made up that term, so it might be confusing, but listen for a moment before you send out your hate mail.  Right now there is this new fad to add real-time action to console RPGs and call them Action RPGs.  Now imagine you take a turn-based card game and add real-time action, wouldn't you call it an Action Card game?  If you still don't understand, seek professional help for your lack of understanding disorder (tell them you suffer from acute idiotitis and I'm sure someone will understand something).

The game is also affordable (retail in USA stocked it at $20).  The game itself was developed by MGS Japan, but strangely enough Microsoft (the M in MGS) decided not to publish it in the states.  Luckily, insteading of having to learn to speak a foreign language, Majesco was kind enough to bring the game over.  It's really cool, and, no, I haven't finished it, yet.  They claim a hundred single player missions on the back, and I'm starting to fear that they were not lying to me.

If you are wondering, the story isn't too bad either (just don't expect KOTOR) and the character designs are really unique for a video game (they look kinda like those Muggins in MSN7). 

One odd thing was that I really enjoyed the 'find your next mission' sub-game.  After about ~10 hours of playing I realized that I had been playing this strange sub-game (in addition to the 'real' game), carefully hidden among some 'RPG' trappings.

The 'find your next mission' sub-game pattern is basically experienced as: have a town of people.  Talking to certain people (after certain events) unlocks new missions.  Events that can trigger new dialogue include: staring the game, talking to a person/thing, completing a mission, and gaining/losing a certain item.

Basically, I was having as much fun with the individual game levels as I was wandering around town and seeing how my actions had advanced the story.  As a result, my 'OKay, I won't play anymore, but I better talk to Mikan before shutting it off' thinking was impossible since I was inadvertantly playing a captivating sub-game that tricked my mind into taking another hit (of the game, not the afforementioned narcotics). 

The game developer's particular implementation of the pattern is really good, but I'll save any further ludology for another time.

So I'm keeping an eye on a friend's dog/cat/house/lizard for a friend while he's out boozin' it up o'erseas.  He's a cool guy and all, but who (in their right mind) owns all four at the same time?

The dog really likes attention.  A quick glance at at the kitty will cause the dog to get all uppity and chase the kitty around the house.  So there I am, trying to get the cat killed, when I figure 'I should play me some xbox, yo.'

Guess what game was inside my friend's xbox?  No, it wasn't that xxx sex game.  No, it wasn't that yoga game.  Why would you bring that up?  Can't you read the title of this post?

Yes, it was Mystery Meat: Battle for Fort SaladBowl.  You're right.

Anyways, I'd recommend it.  The graphics are *much* better than the screenshots seem and the game is pretty fun.  I started playing it and I kept playing it until my eyes hurt.  Then I kept playing it and they really hurt.  My eyes were full of stinging, salty tears from the fact that I had failed to blink/breathe for a few hours straight.  I think I passed out around that time -- I'm not sure what exactly happened since it was already the next day when I woke up.  The weird part was that I was in a bathtub full of ice, with a weird note (I couldn't read it), and a couple scars.  My eyes felt a little better, though.  Go buy the game.

The big problem I'm going to have (other than this strange weakness and vomiting) is finding a way to explain how I caused all of my friend's saved games to be deleted.  My guess is that I should first explain the cause to myself, since I'm not sure why I went into the memory management screen and explicitly deleted all of the save games.  Ah, I've got it -- I'll set fire to his toaster.

When it comes to video games I'm an ole-skool pop-locker.  Actually, I'm not because that has nothing to do with video games (except for DDR). 

If I were being honest I'd say that I enjoy: 'strategy' games (particularly what the liberal, gaming media might identify as: TBS, RTT, and Tactical RPG 'sub-genres').  Well, that and Murder Simulators (aka FPS's).

For the last few years I've played a fair amount of Halo 1&2, which probably makes it my Murder Simulator of choice.  Halo 2 allows one to play, and subsequently murder, people over the interweb.  While killing strangers on the interweb is not a new thing, Halo 2's userbase is composed almost entirely out of what should be an incredibly niche market. 

Basically, I did an informal poll of the Halo 2 userbase by listening to the language used by players to describe members of the opposing team.  Word of caution: since this wasn't an incredibly scientific poll there is an error margin of +-3%.

It seems that 104% of Halo 2 players are cheaters.  Which is a bad thing, but anyone who has played Halo 2 already knows that.  However, based off of this same study, the entire Halo 2 userbase can be further divided into three types of people:

    10% Non-Caucasian
+  23% Homosexual 
+  72% Homosexual and Non-Caucasian
------------------------------------------------
= 105% Of Total Halo 2 Players

I even played a few more games to ensure those startling figures were acurate.  Let's just say that a lot of people had to die to get you this information.

However, this really concerns me (and it should concern you as well).  How is a person supposed to murder people with a clear conscious if the situation could erupt into a racial/sexual orientation incident at any moment?

Now I know what y'all are thinking: Is Halo 2 a powder-keg waiting to happen?*  Well, it only gets worse.  What is one of the big innovations in Halo 2?  Clan support.  Not only are you supposed to go around murdering minorities, but you can mask up with other like-minded gamers and form roaming lynch mobs.

And here people thought that the worst thing a video game could do would be to encourage people to murder computer-controlled prostitutes during/after/before intercourse.

* Okay, you were really thinking about porn and chicken.  And maybe not in that order.

** Just in case people can't take a hint: to borrow from Lucien, nothing I've said in this post (other than this) is true.  Not only is it untrue (like all statistical analysis), but it couldn't possibly be true.  In fact, I neither performed a study during Halo 2, nor spoke with anyone who has.  Please relax and pull any sticks out of your behind.

Why is everyone so obsessed with Citizen Kane?  Don't get me wrong: it is an awesome movie (thanks Cinema school) and it is generally considered to be the *greatest movie evah!!1!* 

My annoyance comes from a few blog posts that have popped up after GDC.  They're mostly lamenting the fact that gaming has not had a seminal moment that compares to Citizen Kane.  To this I say: WTF?!?

The movie that is normally credited with that is The Birth of a Nation (1915).  Citizen Kane didn't even win the Best Picture oscar the year it was released (that honor went to How Green Was My Valley).  It really didn't start getting its acclaim until many years later.  Citizen Kane can be credited with bringing together a bunch of flimic techniques (some not known before) and having a great story (it won an Oscar for that, at least).  As much as it pains me to use the word, Citizen Kane was a highly innovative film.

What does this mean for games?  Maybe it has already had its 'Citizen Kane moment' and we won't recognize it for a few years.  One could argue that games like Half-Life 1/2, Grand Theft Auto 3+, and Halo 1/2 all have been similarly 'innovative' games. 

The GDC panel (that spawned this discussion) was "Why Isn’t the Game Industry Making Interactive Stories".*  Not having attended it, I really can't comment as to how much it has to do with this tangent I've harped on.  The title of the panel (and a glance at the description) really confuses me.  Do we really want another hundred Final Fantasy 38's and Metal Gear Solid's?  Being an anti-narrativist (i.e. a good, and moral, person)** I'm led to believe that there are already too many stories in games nowadays.  I also believe that there are too many games in our games nowadays, but that is a subject for another time.***

Don't lose all hope, young warrior!  The panel's description makes it sound like the panel revolved around realizing "deeply interactive dramas, comedies and romances" in games.  Which sounds like an awesome idea, but I guess I don't understand why this has anything to do with having a story (or game***).  Oh well, maybe I'll go to GDC next year and have all my questions answered.

(re: Grand Text Auto » Prayers For Kane AND Kotaku >> Will Gaming Have a Citizen Kane Moment?)

* 'Interactive Story' is a pejorative in my opinion... ugh.  Write a make-your-own-adventure book.

** That's right, I consider myself an anti-narrativist writer.  Huzzah!

*** And/or place.

GDC!!!!  Oh, how you tease me so!!!!!

Some Xbox 2/Next/360/Xenon stuff was announced yesterday, and it sounds pretty cool: Gamer Cards, Achievement/Rewards earned in games, a Marketplace to buy all sorts of things, and that all games will have both Live Awareness and custom soundtracks, automatically.  There was a lot of talk about HD support, and that Xenon would usher in an era of HD gaming.

Today, Nintendo made their own announcement (courtesy of Kotaku).  They didn't really say how it will be revolutionary, only said: Wi-Fi, wireless [controllers], and backwards compatibility with the GameCube. 

I don't really care about this upcoming console war as I chose my side long ago -- anyone other than Nintendo.  That's right, I've hated Nintendo ever since they hurt the Sega CD with their vaporware promises.  Yes, I really like Fire Emblem and have spent the entire time playing it in a conflicted state.

What I really wanted to talk about was the themes of the two talks.  The Xbox one had an emphasis on three things: ease of development, HD technologies and lifestyles', and the triumvirate of software, services, and hardware.  The Nintendo one had a lot about industry theory and ludology (without using that word, or maybe even understanding the canonical concepts).

There was a bunch on the consolidation movement that the video game industry is currently and/or going to experience.  How budgets for next gen will be super high.  Then the bombshell: there are worlds of interactive entertainment!!!!!!!

Do you have ANY idea what this means?

That's right!  Urania is the Muse of video games!!!!  W00t!

Wait.  That is still not what I wanted to talk about, even if -- like everything else on this blog -- it is absolutely true.  Basically, Nintendo is taking the word 'video' and the word 'game' literally.  So since something without a completion condition can't be called a game, they're correct in calling it something else -- they seem to waiver between software, entertainment, and interactive entertainment.  It's actually a great perspective to have, so I'll give them some kudos.  +3 Kudos

The other interesting thing is a little bit of fluff for their next Zelda game.  In the middle of the transcript the Nintendo President states that they have 'standards ... [they] ... set for all software ... [they] ... develop: ... the four "I"s': innovation, intuitive, inviting, and interface.

Well the "I"s have it, or do they?  No, they do not.  Is it better than taking a dump into a paper bag and proceeding to throw it against the wall?  Yes.  It's pretty sad you had to ask that, though.  Now I'll reserve my 'four "I"s == ultimate destruction of mankind' debate for another time.

When reading the article my previous post was about, I noticed a PSP advert on the bottom (your experience might vary).  It's a flash animation that contains the following phrases:

1. THE COOLEST OBJECT ON THE PLANET.
2. IPOD IS SO 2004.
3. BECAUSE EVEN YOUR MOM HAS AN IPOD.

Wow.  I'm thinking of filing a class-action lawsuit due to Sony's libel.  Who wants to join me?  (it'd be basically free money)  For you non-lawyer types out there both #1 & #3 are not even remotely true; even #2 is debatable.

First of all, my mother doesn't own an iPod.  I'm sure someone's mom owns an iPod, but based off of the conversations my friends and I have, there are a lot of thing's that someone's mom does -- and usually they involve all sorts of inappropriate sex with the person speaking.  Although, none of it has been with an iPod (yet), I wouldn't put it past that skanky whore.

As for the coolest object on the planet?  If you like expensive, fragile pieces of flashy junk then I guess you couldn't sue on that point.  I can easily think of two things that are a two jigahertz times cooler: an Electrovaya Tablet PC and the Audiovox Smart Phone that everyone I know seems to brag to me about having (well, that and someone else's mom -- I still can't believe how much of a skank she is.  You'd blush, dear readers, if you even knew the things that someone else's mom could do (and often does).).  Heck, even the DS is cooler in my opinion -- because it adds touch as a new gameplay element.

Anyways, the whole reason I even bring any of this up (other than a quick buck -- something else that someone's mother is really desperate for) is because I recognized the forthcoming iPod v PSP battle for a while now.  Both are interested in that pop culture 'hip gadget of the moment' niche.  And, unlike someone's mother's bedroom, there can be only one.  Either the PSP or the iPod will be the cool thing to own.  Can society survive this schism?  Especially if the PSP gains a hard-drive or the ability to play music?

Of course, this whole point will be mute in X years when device convergence is finally realized.  There will always be people who will want to carry a separate camera, phone, pager, beeper, watch, laser pointer, video player, music player, pda, fm receiver, usb drive, and video game handheld.  It'll be a lot easier to just integrate this all directly into a person's brain (except for the laser weapons), but I'm guessing that a smart phone will have to suffice for now (maybe one like the audiovox one I mentioned).  As for your mom?  I don't think it is a good idea to describe how convergence will work with your mom, at least not on a 'kids-friendly' blog.

Of all the celebrity interviews, the best have to be the one's involving Itagaki.  He's the penultimate rock-star and unlike certain other video game developers, he consistently puts his money where his ego is.

The majority of the interview is about 'DOA:U,' but the last paragraph has some choice bits of wisdom (in regards to 'Tekken 5,' a competitor's game):

'Oh, and come on guys, let's quit trying to hide the prehistoric nature of the main product by tacking on some absurd "bonus game."'

'If you have the time to make [a] ... "bonus game", why don't you create ... it as a standalone product?'

Both of which are interesting statements that I'll investigate in detail.

Bonus Games

I'm not sure when bonus games became such a big selling point of a game.  It is probably Final Fantasy's fault (yes, Street Fighter 2 had a bonus game, but it wasn't a selling point).  Nowadays, every Console-style RPG has to espouse the number of bonus- and mini- games it has.

The primary reason for this is because it must be easier to add mini-games than devote the effort to keep the primary game compelling.  This is primarily due to a hole that Narrativist game designers dig for themselves -- mini-/bonus- games provide a brief opportunity for play that the designer is unwilling to inject into the interactive story they designed for the player.*

Effort to Make a Game

Each mini-/bonus- game requires a new game to be built.  Sure, these games are generally very simple (and wouldn't make sense as a standalone product), but it still is a lot of effort for something a player wasn't explicitly interested in when they decided to purchase the product (an exception is the Wario Ware, Inc series -- a game where the goal is to figure out what mini-game you have been presented with).

There might be an exception to this rule: when the developers make a mini-prototype game to test something out (physics, particles, etc).  If the code is solid, and it doesn't require much more effort, then there really shouldn't be any problem throwing it into the game.  However, keep in mind what it is, and don't force it on your players.

* I've tried to keep ludology out of this blog for a while, so if this sentence did not make any sense, I apologize.  Quick summary: Ludology is the official name for the academic study of games (both big and tall).  Narrativists like to force stories upon a game's players and Anti-Narrativists are more interested in letting players 'play'.  In an effort to discredit ludology, Narrativists will sometimes refer to their opponents in a discourse as Ludologists, but this is just a Narrativist Mind Game.

Notable Games of 2004:

Two things one might find interesting about this following list:

1. All games on it consist of Action and/or RPG experiences.
2. They are all xbox games.  Do they still make games for the PC?
3. There are two Microsoft games, but that has nothing to do with the money Microsoft paid/pays me.

I have a short list, but I am certain that I played a lot of games.  Maybe I've played so much Halo 2 that I can no longer count?  5 

1. Halo 2 (Microsoft/Bungie): Easily the best game I experienced this year.  'Nuff Said.
2. Ninja Gaiden (Tecmo/Tecmo): One of the best action and/or ninja experiences available.  It's kinda hard, but in a good way.
3. Breakdown (Namco/Namco): A shoddy game with an amazing story and a great presentation.  It's worth playing through the flaws.
4. Fable (Microsoft/Big Blue Box): Second best action experience of the year (to Ninja Gaiden).  A key sign it's good: I've put a great amount of time into this game, but without advancing the story.  It's fun to play.
5. Star Wars Knights of the Old Republic 2: The Sith Lords (Lucasarts/Obsidian): Better RPG than Fable, but I was really disapointed by the story (once I finished the game).  I spent somewhere in the neighbourhood of fifty hours at this game in my first go-through.

Honorable Mention for Earlier Titles I hadn't played until 2004 (presented by Jason):

• kill.switch (Namco/Namco): Wow.  This was one fun game.  I really enjoyed the controls and the combat in it.  I thought it was YA 3rd-person Action game so I skipped it when it got released, but after I got a copy I played through it and wanted more.  Hopefully, The Adversary (same team/similar game/but with multiplayer) is still on track.
• Fire Emblem: Rekka no Ken (Nintendo/Intelligent Systems[GBA]): I like 'Tactical RPGs' and spent a large number of hours devoted to this one.  I still have to spend a few dozen hours in it to finish the game, but Halo 2 keeps forcing me to play.  Bad Halo 2!

Bias (aka Games Not Played):

• Half-Life 2 (Vivendi/Valve[PC]): My graphic card isn't up-to-par.  And/or it seems like YAFPS.  Yes, it's pretty and it has physics, but so does my ____ (expletive deleted).
• Far Cry (Ubisoft/Crytek[PC]): YAFPS with long draw distance.  Yawn.
• Worlds of Warcraft, City of Heroes, or any other MMO.  I don't have the time with my ten pack-a-day crack cocaine habit.*
• Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas (Take2/Rockstar[PS2]): I don't have a PS2.  Maybe I'll get it on the xbox in 2005.  Not that I've played more than an hour of the previous versions.
• Breakout 3 (EA/Criterion): I played a match or two.  It seems like a really fun game, except for the shoddy EA live integration.  Pro'ally deserves to be a top ten game if I played more.
• At some point I might play X-Men: Legends and Gungriffon (when they come down in price), but my hopes aren't that high for them.  I'm also sitting on a copy of LOTR: Battle for Middle Earth (EA/EA[PC]), but I haven't played it, yet.

Further Bias (aka Games Played):

• MechAssault 2: Lone Wolf (Microsoft/Day 1 Studios): Wow, where my expectations beaten to death and raped and then beaten some more.  I'll post a review when I calm down.  Multi-player is improved, as that comment is for the single player experience.  In fact, it's pro'ally the second-best multi-player game released this past year (after Halo 2), and with more time I'd pro'ally forget about the single-player and put it back on the top.
• Splinter Cell: Pandora Tomorrow (Ubisoft/Ubisoft): Worse single player experience than MechAssault 2's.  Luckily I only rented it.  Heard good things about multi-player, but never played enough to know.
• Full Spectrum Warrior (THQ/Pandemic): It was okay on co-op.  Met expectation.
• Dead or Alive: Ultimate (Tecmo/Tecmo): I'm not sure it met my expectations.  I like the environments and setting my age to 99, but couldn't really get involved in it.
• Sudeki (Microsoft/Climax): I almost put this in the 'notable games' list, but I'm not sure I would have enjoyed it as much if I hadn't played it before Fable and KOTOR2.  Primarily, because it was easy and somewhat shallow.  It should be interesting to see how improved Sudeki 2 can be (assuming there is a sequel). 
• Kingdom Under Fire: The Crusaders (Microsoft/Phatagram): To be fair, I've only put an hour or two into this game, but it was really fun and a somewhat unique experience.  Out of the three tactical games that came out (KUF:TC, Full Spectrum Warrior, and Wraith), it was easily the best.  If I played more it'd be in the 'notable games' list, but I didn't feel right including a game I hadn't played enough of.
• There are a bunch of other games I've played (either rented, bought, or demo'd somewhere), but I'm too lazy to include them all here.  If any comments can name a game I'll post something back about it.

Just watched the video for F.E.A.R. (developer Monolith/PC) that had been shown at E3.  I'm not really that impressed (although, based on some comments on other web-sites, the masses are).

The things I have to credit it with are:

1. 'enemy AI that jumps through glass'.  Makes sense and is done to good effect.
2. Glass shattering effects.  Should be pretty easy to instantiate a particle emitter to do that, but I don't know of a game that has done it better/before.
3. Pretty graphics engine (dynamic lights?, particles, rag-doll physics, etc).  I mean, all games nowadays are going to have one, but it still handles well.

Things I noticed, but I don't think are a big deal:

1. It looks like they took the horror effects out of Breakdown (developer Namco/Xbox) [a game no one played, but anyone making an FPS should be required to].
2. They also took the hand-to-hand fighting out of the same game.  Not sure if it as deep of an experience as it is in Breakdown, though.
3. The slo-mo seemed somewhat out of place.  Hopefully there is a logical explanation for it within the game.
4. One button grenades?  Just like Halo!  They didn't seem that effective, so maybe they were mainly smoke?
5. Excessive amounts of blood 'decals'.  It's been done in a bunch of games already.

To sum it up:  I'm actually relieved.  A friend (I shall call him 'The Phern') and I came up with a game idea back in March (or so).  Not that we have the resources to make it, yet.  When I heard about F.E.A.R. at E3 I was worried that Monolith was creating a similar-enough experience.  Luckily, it seems to be YAFPS (Yet-Another-First-Person-Shooter) and our idea still holds water.  Now if only there was a way to get $25mil* and use of the Halo 2 engine... hmmm...

Although, 90% of the games at E3 were in some combination of 'fps', 'action', 'horror', 'sci-fi', 'near-future', 'special powers', and 'military' genres, so the channel is still pretty saturated.  At least the exact idea isn't already being done.

* For some reason, AAA games are rumored to cost $25mil in the next couple of years.  I think I could easily make one for ~$5mil (not including marketing).  The remainder ($20mil) would help finance some other, more important, projects.**
** Giant Robots!1!