I'm currently sitting in a coffee shoppe in Los Angeles, trying to procrastinate.*  Sigh.  Glancing around, I noticed a couple of 'inspirational' quotes on the wall.  One of which is:

"What would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail?"
The Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf, Studio City, CA, circa 2007

It's a good question.

• Having regularly scheduled article/comic/video postings to lordpi.com.
• Some business idea that would make me a lot of money.
• Write the 'Great American Novel'.
• Have the most popular blog on the Internets.
• IN A WORLD, where evil fascists have unlocked the secrets of forbidden magic, Jack Stiletto (played by Lord Pi) is the ultimate ninja assassin.  Caught, in a spell that the fascists use to travel back in time, Stiletto is the only one who can protect the sexy Betsy Ross (played by Keira Knightley) and the Declaration of Independence from falling into the wrong hands.  If he fails, America -- no, the whole world -- is doomed!  Also starring: Academy Award winning actress Halle Berry, Owen Wilson as the wise-cracking Thomas Jefferson, and Bill Murray.  "Declaration of Ninja"  Time-traveling fascists are going to learn the hard way that they only have one right: the right to have their asses kicked!  Written by Lord Pi.  Directed by John Woo.  Produced by John Bruckheimer.

Nah, none of those came to mind.  Well, okay, they did as I started writing this article, but that was only me trying to think of things that the dear readers of lordpi.com would think of.

No, the first thing that came to mind was that I would: 'Go to girl X (where X is most likely Keira Knightley) and ask her to marry me.'  Then I thought about it a little more, and changed it to 'Marry and have eternal happiness with girl X' -- I mean, marriage shouldn't really be an end goal.  Of course, thinking about it a little more, I'd probably add in a bunch of other conditions to ensure that it wouldn't cause atomic monkeymen** from Mars to invade Southern Europe and whatnot.

Anyways, I thought of what else I'd want to do if I had prescience.  Here's the list:

• Make the world a better place.
• Understand the meaning of life.
• Probably something involving physical intimacy with members of the opposite sex (hey, I am a guy, after all).  Note: the plural is important.  (TODO before posting: remove the plural, but leave the note, since it might be funny/confusing)

Hrmm... I've got a screenplay*** to write, so I'm no longer interested in really finishing this article.  I'm not even sure where I was going with this.  Probably something about loving your fellow man (not in that way), or about believing yourself.****

So go out there and believe in loving yourself, man.  Or whatever.  I've got to finish the outline before June.

* At the time of this writing, but not at the time of posting, since I didn't have Internet access at the time.

** They generally fight with bioengineered, ceramic melee weapons, but prefer to use social-economic destabilization.

*** For scriptfrenzy.com  Anyone want to partner up with me on it?  The title isn't necessarily final: 'Ninja of Independence' might also work.  Also, bonus points if you got the subtle, inappropriate joke I worked into it.  I'm sorry that I'm such a bad person.

**** If it helps, this article was written in a non-linear fashion.  I got to the second list, went to edit the first list, and then came up with the movie idea.  So when I got back to the bottom I was like: whatever, I'll do what I want.  I'm sorry if I got your hopes up about having an actual insight into the universe.

So I've previously blogged about having had a weird fortune cookie.  Now I got one that is really wrong.

At least, I hope it's wrong:

I mean -- golly!  Maybe, out-of-context, it seemed innocent (they forgot to add the 'in bed' at the end).  But still...  That I'm about to get someone knocked up?

Although, I'm about to buy a bunch of Lotto tickets with those lucky numbers -- just in case it's correct.

* Yes, this is actually what History is supposed to mean.  If you were looking for a study about a fortune cookie from thirty years ago that is now stale then you were mistaken.  Demand a refund!!!